


THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS

by pckstn



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Gc Fic, Group chat, M/M, Multi, Texting, everyone hates grundy, harvey/jim/lee, implied gordlock later, implied jimlee later, jeremiah is a weeb, legion of horribles - Freeform, oswald crytypes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-07-04 07:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15836850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pckstn/pseuds/pckstn
Summary: this started out as a kinda joke between friends but i made it into whatever the hell this isbasically legion of horribles college au. they have a gc and it's a mess but a good time





	1. legion of horribles get LIT at the mall... literally and figuratively

**Author's Note:**

> chat names go as followed:
> 
> clowncore/THE BETTER VALESKA: jerome  
> mr. crane: jonathan  
> mr. tetch: jervis  
> Victor: fries  
> penguin: oswald  
> solomom: butch  
> fiwefwy: bridgit

**_clowncore_ ** _added 6 members to_ **_THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS_ **

**clowncore:** nice of you to all show up :o)

  **penguin:** jerome you literally added us against our will

  **Victor:** If I had a choice, I’d be spending my time alone away from you freaks. Like I don’t see you often enough.

  **clowncore:** oh come on you human popsicle you don’t mean that

  **Victor:** I do.

 **fiwefwy:** hi guys ^_^

 **clowncore:** hi bridgit ur the only one i trust now

 **mr crane:** wtf

 **clowncore:** sorry jon but i said what i said

 **mr crane:** no i meant wtf as in what the fuck is this chat

 **mr tetch:** come now, there’s nothing to fear! your frown only fuels the clown.

 **penguin:** deep.

 **clowncore:** retweet

 **fiwefwy:** retweet

 **solomom:** hey guys!

 **_mr crane_ ** _removed_ **_solomom_ ** _from the group_

 **mr crane:** y’all hear sumn?

 **Victor:** Jonathan, behave yourself.

 **mr crane:** who are you my dad

 **clowncore:** VICTOR FRIES IS ACTUALLY JON’S DAD? | STORYTIME (NOT CLICKBAIT!!)

 **_mr crane_ ** _removed_ **_clowncore_ ** _from the group_

 ** _Victor_ ** _added_ **_solomom_ ** _and_ **_clowncore_ ** _to the group_

 **penguin:** anyways,,, why are we all here?

 **clowncore:** idk i just wanted to see if u all wnat to do something

 **clowncore:** wnat

 **clowncore:** wnat 

 **Victor:** It’s okay, take your time.

 **clowncore:** ok fuck off

 **mr tetch:** what do you have in mind? shall we go wreak havoc on mankind?

 **clowncore:** i was kinda thinking we could just go to the mall but yeah sure. that.

 **fiwefwy:** i’m down ovo

 **mr crane:** yeah i can go

 **mr tetch:** as can i!

 **clowncore:** fries? cobblepot? 

 **penguin** : i’ll b there :^)

 **Victor:** Someone is going to have to keep an eye on all of you.

 **clowncore:** ok great

 **solomom:** i can go too

 **_mr crane_ ** _removed_ **_solomom_ ** _from the group_  

 **mr crane:** stay out

 **Victor:** Jonathan.

 **mr crane:** don’t even Jonathan me old man none of us want him there

 **mr tetch:** retweet

 **clowncore:** retweet

 **fiwefwy:** retweet

 **penguin:** retweet

 **Victor:** First of all, I’m only a few years older than you. Second, we add him back later.

 **mr crane:** ok whatever

 **fiwefwy:** who’s driving?

 **penguin:** i don’t trust any of you driving me 

 **clowncore:** are you just gonna limp there then

 **penguin:** …..you have a point

 **penguin:** victor drive me

 **Victor:** What do I look like to you?

 **penguin:** a responsible human being

 **Victor:** K

 **mr crane:** damn.

 **mr crane:** he really hit you with that K

 **penguin:** you literally wear a bag over your head half the time but go off i guess

 **mr crane:** you literally look like you were late for band rehearsals for panic! at the disco but go off i guess

 **clowncore:** GGNHMHLDLSLGND5

 **mr tetch:** easy, boys. let’s not make too much noise.

 **mr crane:** ok sorry jervis

 **clowncore:** hm

 **fiwefwy:** interesting

 **mr crane:** me apologizing is interesting?

 **clowncore:** yes

 **fiwefwy:** yes

 **penguin:** yes

 **Victor:** Yes.

 **mr crane:** ……...right.

 **fiwefwy:** is victor going to be the only one driving?

 **mr crane:** i can if anyone wants to come with me

 **clowncore:** me

 **mr tetch:** me too

 **mr crane:** ok that works. three in each car

 **Victor:** Oswald.

 **penguin:** what

 **Victor:** I’m here.

 **penguin:** WHAT

 **penguin:** it’s been like three minutes

 **Victor:** I’ll leave without you if you don’t hurry up.

 **mr crane:** sheesh

 **penguin:** okay okay im coming

 **fiwefwy:** fries and penguin i’ll be waiting outside for u ^-^

 **Victor:** Okay. Be there soon.

 **mr crane:** ok so jervis just ran here for no reason

 **mr crane:** and now he’s making that ugly face he makes when he gets out of breath or yells a lot

 **mr crane:** you know the one

 **clowncore:** yeah we know that one all too well

 **mr crane:** anyways we’re on our way to get you jerome

 **clowncore:** ok cool beans

 **clowncore:** jeremiah might have to come .

 **fiwefwy:** f

 **penguin:** f

 **mr crane:** f

 **mr tetch:** f

 **mr crane** : really i think i’d prefer grundy over that pussy

 **clowncore:** retweet

 **clowncore:** on the bright side we’ll have someone to bully other than grundy or baghead

 **mr crane:** …

 **clowncore:** luv u ♥️

 **mr crane:** you’re just lucky i’m not leaving you two ginger twinks to walk to the mall

 **fiwefwy:** burn

 **mr crane:** thx bridgit

 **fiwefwy:** np crane :-)

 **clowncore:** im sorry for this 

 **_clowncore_ ** _added_ **_Jeremiah Valeska_ ** _to the group_

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** Hello

 **penguin:** oh god help us all

 **_clowncore_ ** _changed their name to_ **_THE BETTER VALESKA_ **

**fiwefwy:** oswald looks like he’s gonna have a meltdown

 **penguin:** i ddO NOT

 **fiwefwy:** do too

 **penguin:** DO NOT!!!!!!!! I DO NOT!!!

 **mr tetch:** mr crane is driving, he wants me to say. he does not want his attention to stray.

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** ok thanks king

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** and bridgit and oswald shut up you sound worse than me and j*r*m**h

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** I beg to differ

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** Did you just asterisk my name?

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** are you blind? is that why u had to ask?

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** No, you’re just being ridiculous, brother

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** whatever go listen to your vocaloid trash and stop talking

 **fiwefwy:** burn

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** thank u queen

 **fiwefwy:** uwu

 **penguin:** owo?

 **fiwefwy:** owo

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** owo

 **mr tetch:** owo

 **mr crane:** operation retrieve booboo the fool and the other one is a success

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** Why don’t I get a name

 **mr crane:** because you don’t do anything noteworthy and i don’t care enough

 **penguin:** burn

 **fiwefwy:** burn

 **fiwefwy:** oswald stop stealing my brand!!

 **Victor:** We are walking into the mall right now.

 **mr tetch:** we will be there soon

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** no rhyming?

 **mr tetch:** no, sometimes i get lazy.

 **fiwefwy:** that’s valid

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** retweet

 **mr crane:** ok we’re here where are you guys

 **Victor:** Bridgit and I are getting smoothies.

 **Victor:** … I lost Penguin.

 **mr crane:** hey remember when oswald said you looked like a responsible person? 

 **mr crane:** i’m kind of doubting that now

 **penguin:** shut UP everyone im not a toddler,,,, i saw some old friends of mine and figured i would say hello

 **mr crane:** ok whatever

 **mr crane:** you already know jerome is making a beeline straight to hot topic so you assholes can just meet us there i guess

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** jon don’t make it seem like im the only one who wants to go

 **mr tetch:** although insane, he has a point, my dear mr. crane

 **mr crane:** ok tetch you really didn’t have to expose me like that

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** It’s okay, I wanted to go too. I need a new Naruto keychain

 **penguin:** naruwho now

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** Naruto...

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** some anime

 **penguin:** ohhhhhhh ok

 **penguin:** i’m On my way!

 **penguin:** haha sorry i always forget to take that shortcut off,,, i’m not that excited to see you all.

 **fiwefwy:** burn

 **fiwefwy:** wait hold on i’m offended!!

 **penguin:** i’m not excited to see anyone but firefly

 **fiwefwy:** :D

 **Victor:** We’re outside.

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** ok

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** baghead and i are trying on clothes keep an eye on my poor excuse of a brother and make sure he doesn’t steal anymore weeb shit please

 **Victor:** K

 **mr crane:** stop calling me that

 **mr crane:** also. tetch. please stop humming right outside of my dressing room why are you even out there

 **mr tetch:** i didn’t know what else to do, so i’m out here waiting for you!

 **fiwefwy:** interesting

 **penguin:** retweet

 **mr tetch:** interesting how?

 **mr crane:** that’s what i want to know too

 **penguin:** no reason :^)

 **mr crane:** that’s terrifying

* * *

 ** _clowncore_ ** _added 3 members to_ **_OPERATION HATTERCROW_**

 **clowncore:** you know why ur all here

 **fiwefwy:** finally

 **Victor:** What makes you think I want to be a part of this?

 **clowncore:** you signed up for this so now you get all the tea

 **Victor:** Okay.

 **clowncore:** ok. plans. anyone got any ideas for today

 **penguin:** we could all get food then leave them together?

 **clowncore:** too boring

 **fiwefwy:** we set one of their apartments on fire so they have to move in with the other

 **clowncore:** …. a little over the top

 **Victor:** How can you be sure they even like each other?

 **clowncore:** is that crack that you’re smoking? you’re smoking crack?

 **clowncore:** its obvious. my gaydar is going off whenever theyre around each other. you should’ve been in the car. god was the sexual tension in there insane

 **Victor:** … Right.

 **clowncore:** anyways.. we need plans, people!

 **Victor:** We say we’re going to get coffee tomorrow before classes, but show up later than the given time. They both are always on time when it comes to stuff like that.

 **clowncore:** ok i fuck with that

 **fiwefwy:** retweet

 **penguin:** retweet

 **clowncore:** then it’s settled. operation hattercrow is a go

* * *

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

**mr crane:** where did you all go

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** nowhere i was finishing trying on my clothes and buying them

 **mr crane:** uh huh.

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** I got my keychain

 **penguin:** who asked

 **fiwefwy:** VSJSKSKSKLFGLSKD BURN

 **Victor:** Oswald.

 **penguin:** itswhatshedeserves.gif

 **fiwefwy:** i wanna go buy candles

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** ill come with you 

 **fiwefwy:** ok uvu

 **mr tetch:** i think i want to go to the candystore

 **mr crane:** i’m down for that

 **Victor:** I think I’ll stay at the bookstore.

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** bold of you to leave us all alone fries

 **Victor:** You haven’t done anything completely out of the ordinary to get us kicked out yet so I’m counting on all of you to keep this up.

 **penguin:** can i come to the candystore?

 **mr crane:** no go buy suits little man

 **penguin:** okkkbjjejsz.. i jsjt wanntebd canndg 

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** f

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** What am I supposed to do

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** what you do best 

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** And that is?

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** nothing

 **fiwefwy:** BURN!!!!!!

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** Very well 

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** OGKYLELFKKEKF MMYMYJFODJFJD

 **mr tetch:**???

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** BRIDGIT WE CANTNGO TO THE CANDLE STORW

 **fiwefwy:** what?? why?! ;-;

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** NYGMA ALERT

 **penguin:** oh god you pussy just go in

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** EASY FOR YOU TO SAY 

 **fiwefwy:** jerome i’m going in and i’m taking you with me whether you like it or not!!!

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** NO NONO BRI

 **mr crane:** firefly killed him before he could finish 

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** Is he still _that_ obsessed over Nygma

 **penguin:** i guess

 **fiwefwy:** everytime ed moves jerome tries to stay exactly 30 feet away from him xD

 **Victor:** You’re all ridiculous.

 

 **mr crane:** tetch just shoved gummy worms into all of his pockets

 **mr crane:** who thinks he’s going to get away with it

 **mr tetch:** have hope in me, mr. crandksl

 **Victor:** What just happened?

 **mr crane:** he just tripped and fell

 **mr crane:** and now there’s gummy worms all over the floor

 **mr crane:** and now he’s getting yelled at by an employee 

 **mr crane:** and now he just hypnotized her.

 **penguin:** why didn’t he just do that in the first place???

 **mr crane:** because in reality mr. tetch only has three functioning braincells

 **fiwefwy:** leave him alone! he’s valid

 **Victor:** Bridgit.

 **fiwefwy:** … yes?

 **Victor:** Is there any reason why the fire alarm is going off?

 **fiwefwy:** well, you see…

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** BRIDGIT LIT EVERY SINGLE CANDLE

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** THEN DROPPED HER LIGHTER ON THE RUG

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** AND NOW WE’RE RUNNIGG THE MALL COPS ARE CHASING US

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** CRANE YOU BETTER GET TO YOUR CAR AND BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU’RE OUR GETAWAY RIDE

 **mr crane:** he’s not my boyfriend

 **penguin:** thonk.jpg

 **mr crane:** and why me

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** BECAUSE I KNOW FRIES WONT DO IT

 **Victor:** He’s got a point.

 **mr crane:** ok fine i’m omw with tetch

 **Victor:** Oswald, are you done with whatever you’ve been doing?

 **penguin:** o yeah i have been. r we leaving?

 **Victor:** I would like to, yes.

 **penguin:** ok :^)  


**fiwefwy:** omg we got away just in time

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** jonathan…. the legend jumped out

 **penguin:** i am Never going to the mall with you guys ever again

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** Hey guys

 **fiwefwy:** wtf do you want 

 **Jeremiah Valeska:** You left me here

 **penguin:** f

 **mr tetch:** f

 **Victor:** F

 **THE BETTER VALESKA:** f

 **mr crane:** f

 **fiwefwy:** f

 **_mr crane_ ** _removed_ **_Jeremiah Valeska_ ** _from the group_


	2. dysfunctional family + dysfunctional movie night = a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new faces, same old antics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chat names go as followed
> 
> honk: jerome  
> scarecrow: jonathan  
> enigma: ed  
> doc: lee  
> JG: jim  
> paul blart: harvey

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

9:35 am

 **clowncore:** good morning streaks

 **mr crane:** shut the fuck up

 **Victor:** Good morning, Jerome.

 **fiwefwy:** gm!! ^u^

 **solomom:** did you guys just wake up?!?! haha

 **_mr crane_ ** _removed_ **_solomom_ ** _from the group_

 **mr tetch:** a bit early, don’t you think, mr. crane?

 **mr crane:** it’s never too early to kick grundy

 **penguin:** can u guys shut up i need my beauty rest

 **mr crane:** we literally have class in an hour, penguin.

 **penguin:** D^:

 **clowncore:** mood

 **Victor:** Did you guys want to grab coffee?

 **fiwefwy:** sure!

 **Victor:** Okay. Does 9:50 work for all of you?

 **mr tetch:** yes

 **mr crane:** yeah sure

 **clowncore:** yup 

 **penguin:** iguess.gif

 **fiwefwy:** yeah!

 

**OPERATION HATTERCROW**

**Victor:** You all know the drill.

 **clowncore:** yes dad!

 **Victor:** …

 **Victor:** Show up around 10:15 or so. Give them some time alone.

 **fiwefwy:** copy that!!

 **penguin:** so can i go back to sleep?

 **clowncore:** suck it up pussyboy ur awake now

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

9:55 am

 **mr crane:** where are all of you guys it’s only jervis and i

 **clowncore:** running a bit late, j*r*m**h needed me for something

 **fiwefwy:** i’m running late too :(

 **Victor:** Will be there later.

 **mr tetch:** shall we go in, mr. crane? since we were the first to arrive, i wouldn’t want to keep you waiting another twenty-five.

 **mr crane:** sure

 **clowncore:** have fun lovebirds :o)

 **penguin:** oh that reminds me

 **clowncore:** reminds you of what

 **penguin:** hold on!!

* * *

 

**_penguin, enigma_ **

**penguin:** ed!

 **enigma:** oswald.

 **penguin:** would you like to be added into a group chat? i have a friend whom i think would be a very good match for you 

 **enigma:** i suppose.

 **penguin:** great! :^)

* * *

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

**_penguin_ ** _added_ **_enigma_ ** _to the group_

 **mr crane:** who

 **enigma:** edward.

 **enigma:** nygma.

 **clowncore:** H

 **_clowncore_ ** _left the group_

 **_Victor_ ** _added_ **_clowncore_ ** _to the group_

 **fiwefwy:** nice to meet you ^_^

 **enigma:** you as well.

 **mr crane:** so are you guys gonna show up at all or can tetch and i leave

 **fiwefwy:** me and victor r right outside!

 **mr crane:** ok

 **mr crane:** ed you wanna join us for coffee

 **enigma:** i would love to.

 **clowncore:** im on my wOhmfuck

 **mr tetch:** lol

 **enigma:** what’s so funny?

 **mr tetch:** mr. crane made a joke. for one who normally is mute, he is quite the hoot!

 **Victor:** Nice recovery.

 **clowncore:** that’s cute

 **mr crane:** shut up, twink

 **fiwefwy:** burn

 **clowncore:** my father will hear about this

 **mr crane:** you mean our fathers

 **penguin:** i thought both of your dads died????? what?

 **mr crane:** not our fake ones

 **Victor:** Your what?

 **clowncore:** fake ones. turn on your hearing aids

 **Victor:** Stop calling me old.

 **clowncore:** no

 **enigma:** what do you mean fake fathers?

 **clowncore:** crane do we add them

 **mr crane:** sure why not

* * *

**lovely family!**

10:15 am

 **honk:** jimbo

 **scarecrow:** harvey

 **JG:** Yes?

 **paul blart:** The hell do you two want?

 **scarecrow:** wow ok thanks dad

 **honk:** our… associates. would like to meet you

 **JG:** Ok

 **honk:** harvey will you join?

 **paul blart:** I’ll take a raincheck on this one. Kinda busy right now.

 **honk:** doing what? 

 **paul blart:** That’s a conversation for when you’re older, son.

 **scarecrow:** ok ew

 **honk:** i don’t think i want you meeting our friends at all now

* * *

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

**_clowncore_ ** _added_ **_JG_ ** _to the group_

 **JG:** GCPD EVERYOEN GET DOWN!!!!!!1!!

 **penguin:** oh jesus christ

 **Victor:** Nice to meet you too.

 **enigma:** jim gordon? that’s your fake father?

 **mr crane:** unfortunately

 **JG:** You are grounded

 **mr crane:** i don’t even live with you

 **clowncore:** you heard the man, baghead

 **mr crane:** … fine

 **mr crane:** since i’m grounded who wants to come over tonight after classes

 **mr tetch:** me!

 **fiwefwy:** interesting

 **JG:** Jonathan

 **mr crane:** what

 **JG:** You cannot have anyone over

 **penguin:** well this is thrilling

 **_mr crane_ ** _removed_ **_JG_ ** _from the group_

 **mr crane:** y’all hear sumn??

 

**lovely family!**

 

 

 **JG:** Jonathan you better listen to me

 **scarecrow:** sorry what was that?

 **doc:** Jim, leave him alone.

 **paul blart:** Yeah _Jim._ Leave the kid alone

 **scarecrow:** thx mom and other dad i like you two better

 **doc:** No problem Jon ♥️ Have a good day 

 **honk:** i see how it is

 **doc:** You too, Jerome! Lol

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

12:30 pm

 **penguin:** take a shot everytime barbara calls out in class then has an argument with the professor 

 **enigma:** i am always around, but never seen. i am often avoided, but you can't outrun me, for i will come when you’re old and grey, or maybe even the very next day. i will come with cold embrace, and give you rest with a chilled kiss on your face. i come in many forms of emotional state, whether it's irony, love, laughter, or hate. i am everyone’s final fate. what am i?

 **clowncore:** death

 **enigma:** yes. if you took a shot everytime she did that, you would be dead.

 **mr crane:** god you are so fucking weird

 **clowncore:** says the one who wears a sack over his head

 **mr crane:** says the one who’d fuck a clown

 **enigma:** i was a clown once for halloween.

 **Victor:** Thanks Ed, very cool.

 **clowncore:** is that an invitation?

 **enigma:** no.

 **enigma:** just stating facts.

 **enigma:** unless you want it to be.

 **mr tetch:** oh my goodness

 **penguin:** thonk.jpg

 **clowncore:** well,.,,,..,

 **Victor:** Anyways.

 **penguin:** why did my comment turn into this 

 **mr crane:** because you’re in a group chat with a bunch of freaks

 **penguin:** well. i guess you have a point.

 **fiwefwy:** jeez x_x

 **fiwefwy:** what time does everyone get out of classes?

 **mr crane:** 4 or so 

 **clowncore:** same

 **mr tetch:** i’m in my last one right now!

 **Victor:** Ed and I get out at 3:30.

 **penguin:** im in my last one too :^) 

 **fiwefwy:** ok cool! you guys wanna hang out later? 

 **fiwefwy:** movie night?

 **clowncore:** i fuck with it

 **Victor:** Sure.

 **penguin:** yes!!

 **enigma:** can i come?

 **clowncore:** YES

 **clowncore:** yes

 **mr crane:**. the

 **mr crane:** i can go

 **mr tetch:** i won’t be late for our movie date!

 **fiwefwy:** ok great

 **fiwefwy:** let’s go to crane’s place

 **mr crane:** wait wtf why mine

 **penguin:** bc you’re grounded

 **mr crane:** i hate you guys

 **mr crane:** fine. but you better bring food

 **Victor:** I’ll bring ice cream.

 **fiwefwy:** i can pick up a pizza!

 **penguin:** ed make your brownies

 **enigma:** ok.

 **mr tetch:** do you require any more, my dear mr. crane?

 **mr crane:** i think we’ll be good with that but if you want to bring anything you can :)

 **clowncore:** what

 **mr crane:** what

 **clowncore:** hello?

 

**OPERATION HATTERCROW**

**clowncore:** DID HE JUST

 **fiwefwy:** HE DID

 **penguin:** ONGKSSLMFLSLS

 **clowncore:** HES WHIPPED

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

**mr crane:** i don’t understand

 **penguin:** nothing u just showed emotion for like the first time in 2 years

 **mr crane:** huh

 **mr crane:** ok anyways. is 8 ok for you guys

 **Victor:** Sounds good.

 **clowncore:** retweet

 **penguin:** yup

 **enigma:** i have no idea where you live.

 **penguin:** you can come w me ed

 **enigma:** ok.

 **clowncore:** oswald pick me up

 **penguin:** jerome i’m gay and can’t drive

 **fiwefwy:** mood

 **enigma:** i can drive you both.

 **clowncore:** cool thnx

 **mr crane:** i have drinks at my apartment so if any of you get too shitfaced you can stay over

 **clowncore:** what a legend

  


**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

8:15 pm

 **clowncore:** jonny jonny

 **mr crane:** what jerome

 **clowncore:** getting ready?

 **mr crane:** yes

 **clowncore:** telling lies?

 **mr crane:** why would i be lying about getting ready

 **clowncore:** open your door

 **mr crane:** what the fuck is going on

 **clowncore:** open your fucking door or im breaking it down

 **mr crane:** tetch can you please get the door so booboo the fool doesn’t break anything else that i’ll have to pay for

 **mr tetch:** of course

 **clowncore:** i only broke one lamp once

 **mr crane:** you broke one lamp and a table 

 **clowncore:** … fair point

 **penguin:** jonathan, i’d expect you to not wear your potato sack in your own home, correct? 

 **mr crane:** you are correct, disco vampire

 **fiwefwy:** burn

 **enigma:** what movie are we watching anyways?

 **mr crane:** what is this this 21 questions

 **mr crane:** tetch what are our selections

 **mr tetch:** wall-e, spy kids, sharknado, and foodfight

 **Victor:** What is Foodfight?

 **mr tetch:** i’m not sure. it seems rather obscure

 **clowncore:** is it a movie where we can get hammered to enjoy it even more?

 **mr tetch:** i believe so… i’ve never watched it 

 **mr crane:** it’ll be a first experience for everyone

 **fiwefwy:** sounds fun :D

 **mr crane:** please get settled everyone so i can start it

 **enigma:** firefly.

 **fiwefwy:** yeah?

 **enigma:** you’re sitting on my foot.

 **fiwefwy:** oh sorry!

 **clowncore:** can i sit on your lap

_message has been deleted_

**enigma:** what was that?

 **clowncore:** i said i’m going to sit on the other side of the room 

 **penguin:** surejan.gif

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

9:00 pm

 **Victor:** I want to know which one of you chose this movie.

 **mr tetch:** it was on mr. crane’s shelf

 **mr crane:** i don’t watch many movies i just buy whatever i think looks cursed and/or funny

 **penguin:** wellthsi is definitkly cursed

 **fiwefwy:** god oswald you’re such a lightweight :P 

 **penguin:** i mam nyot

 **clowncore:** … right

 **enigma:** wait.

 **clowncore:**?

 **enigma:** do you guys hear that?

 **fiwefwy:** yeah, what is it?

 **enigma:** it’s at the door... 

 **mr crane:** i’ll go check

 **mr crane:** WHAT

 **mr crane:** WHY IS GORDON HERE

 **penguin:** WHHAAAAHASLSLSLKSSDK

 **clowncore:** HAJSSK

 **clowncore:** DONT LET HIM IN

 **mr crane:** HE’S GOING TO BUST MY DOOR DOWN!

 **mr crane:** GET READY TO RUN

 **mr tetch:** :o

 **Victor:** I hate you guys. I honestly, truly hate you guys.

 **fiwefwy:** SOMEBODY HELP ME WITH STOPPING OSWALD FROM JUMPING OUT OF THE WINDOW

 **clowncore:** HFNFKSLSL2$2&@:;&:HSJSKS

 **enigma:** james gordon just snatched all of us. 

 **clowncore:** MY WIG!!

 **Victor:** Jonathan, come get drunk Jervis. He’s cowering next to me. 

 **mr crane:** ok FINE

 **mr crane:** jerome please get our father out of here

 **clowncore:** im on it, baghead

 **Victor:** Is Cobblepot okay?

 **fiwefwy:** yes he’s fine

 **fiwefwy:** i am never letting this man near another drink ever again

 

**lovely family!**

9:30 pm

 **scarecrow:** harvey and lee please come collect your mans

 **doc:** What?!

 **scarecrow:** _please_ come get jim from my fucking apartment he’s terrorizing my friends

 **paul blart:** So that’s where he went…

 **scarecrow:** part of me wants to believe that you didn’t know that’s where he was going harvey but you’re such a bad liar

 **paul blart:** Yeah… I know.

 **doc:** I’m on my way! Sorry Jon :(

 **scarecrow:** it’s ok lee

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

9:50 pm

 **Victor:** So all of you missed the rest of the movie

 **fiwefwy:** pour one out to victor for sitting thru that disaster of a movie

 **penguin:** retjaeet

 **mr crane:** was that english

 **penguin:** yed

 **mr crane:** right.

 **fiwefwy:** hey.. where did jerome and ed go?

 **mr crane:** oh god

* * *

  ** _scarecrow, clowncore_**

 **scarecrow:** where the fuck did you go

 **scarecrow:** i swear to god if you’re fucking somewhere in my apartment i’ll murder you in your sleep

 **scarecrow:** jerome i will call jeremiah to collect you 

 **clowncore:** CHILL

 **clowncore:** ok Perhaps we went out on the fire escape to make out

 **scarecrow:** how romantic.

 **scarecrow:** everyone realizes you two are gone so i think you should come back in 

 **clowncore:** ok fine. buzzkill

 **clowncore:** one last thing

 **scarecrow:** what

 **clowncore:** would you tap jervis

 **scarecrow:** i’m going to let that slide because you’re drunk

 **clowncore:** no it’s a real question

 **scarecrow:** … fuck off 

 **clowncore:** omg :o) you would

 **scarecrow:** i said fuck off

 **clowncore:** you would!

* * *

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

11:25 pm

 **mr crane:** ok who needs tostay over tonigjtk

 **mr tetch:** mw

 **mr tetch:** me

 **fiwefwy:** interestinfggg

 **enigma:** i can drive oswald and jerome home.

 **mr crane:** ok thanks nygma

 **Victor:** I’ll drive Bridgit home.

 **fiwefwy:** aw thanks :)

 **Victor:** No problem.

 **mr crane:** get homw safe

 **Victor:** Take care of Jervis.

 **mr crane:** i woll

 **mr crane:** will

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

3:30 am 

 **clowncore:** guys

 **clowncore:** omg guys

 **mr crane:** what the hell do you want it’s 3 in the morning

 **clowncore:** knock knock

 **enigma:** who’s there?

 **clowncore:** olive

 **fiwefwy:** olive who?

 **clowncore:** olive _you_. do you love me too?

 **_mr crane_ ** _removed_ **_clowncore_ ** _from the group_

 **mr crane:** not today bitch

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u enjoyed!!! feel free to contact me on twitter @ foxskuii or on tumblr @ notevenbleu ;^)


	3. fair night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone wants to kill each other but the fair is a fun time... it might just reveal a new relationship :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long!! i’ve started school and also lost my creativity as well i guess. i’m going to write whenever i get a chance so please be patient with updates!

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

1:00 pm

 

 **clowncore:** guess what you incels

 **Victor:** I’m a chad, thanks.

 **clowncore:** guess what you incels and one chad

 **mr crane:** what do you want

 **clowncore:** the fair

 **clowncore:** is in

 **clowncore:** town

 **enigma:** sounds fun.

 **fiwefwy:** omg i wanna go!!

 **penguin:** retweet

 **mr tetch:** oh, my sister used to love the fair… i’ll be there!

 **mr crane:** i guess i’ll go

 **clowncore:** YAY :oD

 **clowncore:** meet me downtown at 5

 **fiwefwy:** you got it ^v^

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

5:10 pm

 

 **mr crane:** hey syndrome. where tf are you

 **clowncore:** well now that you called me syndrome im not telling you

 **enigma:** we’re outside of the sirens club.

 **mr crane:** thanks nygma for being the mature one in the relationship

 **enigma:** anytime.

 **mr tetch:** jerome, how exactly are we going to get there?

 **clowncore:** idk yall wanna just walk?

 **Victor:** That’s fine.

 **penguin:** ugh

 **penguin:** you’re rlly gonna make me walk huh

 **clowncore:** the fuck you wanna do then oswald. teleport

 **penguin:** :^|

 **penguin:** FINE i’ll walk but you’ll rue the day

 **fiwefwy:** wow i didn’t know we were friends with nevel papperman

 **penguin:** i’ll kill u bridgit

 **fiwefwy:** do it pussy you won’t

 **Victor:** Stop. Both of you.

 **fiwefwy:** /: fine

 **penguin:** nofunallowed.jpg

 **Victor:** …

 **mr crane:** LMAOOOO

 **mr crane:** he told you

 **Victor:** Jonathan I will make a formula to freeze you alive.

 **mr tetch:** now now, no need to cause a row.

 **mr crane:** sorry

 **fiwefwy:** hmm

 **clowncore:** :o)

 

**OPERATION HATTERCROW**

5:25 pm

 

 **clowncore:** guys we Gotta get them together

 **clowncore:** god its so obvious

 **fiwefwy:** i KNOW omg -.-

 **penguin:** jervis is so oblivious tho,,,, crane has been trying his best i wish he’d see

 **Victor:** I think tonight is a good night to try.

 **clowncore:** retweet

 **penguin:** retweet

 **fiwefwy:** let’s think of some ways when we get there

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

6:05 pm

 

 **enigma:** jerome.

 **clowncore:** yeah?

 **enigma:** did you spike my lemonade?

 **clowncore:** i may be chaotic evil but i’m not _that_ evil

 **clowncore:** why are you asking

 **enigma:** why is there another one of you.

 **penguin:** GSNGKSKDKSKVMSMFKS

 **fiwefwy:** OMG SHSHSJSJ HAHAHAHAHA

 **clowncore:** I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY BROTHER

 **clowncore:** GOD

 **clowncore:** thats my twin. jeremiah. aka j*r*m**h. dont talk to him

 **enigma:** i see.

 **enigma:** makes sense.

 **Victor:** Oswald, why do you keep wandering off?

 **penguin:** can’t a man get a snowcone

 **Victor:** You could’ve at least waited for me. I want one. Get one for me.

 **penguin:** so demanding :^| fine

 **fiwefwy:** does anyone wanna go on rides with me?

 **clowncore:** ed and i will come with you

 **fiwefwy:** great!!

 **mr crane:** hey tetch you wanna play some games

 **mr tetch:** oh, i would love to!!

 **mr crane:** great :)

 **penguin:** omg you

 **clowncore:** stop being so loud

 **mr crane:** … shut the fuck up

 **penguin:** SHSJSK&—@:@92;’ebtjsofjdnfm

 **mr tetch:**????

 **mr crane:** ignore them. i bet you five dollars i’ll win in the water gun game

 **mr tetch:** you’ve got a deal!

 **fiwefwy:** cute

 **mr crane:** are you just looking for a death wish tonight

 **fiwefwy:** i’m looking for a death wish EVERY night

 **clowncore:** mood

 **penguin:** retweet

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

6:25 pm

 

 **mr crane:** oh my god

 **enigma:** yes?

 **mr crane:** so tetch won. unfortunately

 **mr crane:** i give him my five bucks, and look at the guy at the game while he’s handing tetch probably the smallest prize possible

 **mr crane:** tetch fucking hypnotizes him and makes him get the biggest one possible. so now i need to carry around this giant teddy bear the rest of the night.

 **clowncore:** how romantic :’o)

 **mr crane:**.

 **fiwefwy:** awww ^u^

 **Victor:** I think I see you from the top of the ferris wheel, Jonathan.

 **penguin:** speaking of ferris wheel.

 **penguin:** WEVEBEEB STCK UP HERE THE PAST THREE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **fiwefwy:** SGJDKDKGWOGJDKTLDJFKDLV

 **clowncore:** oHNFGBGKHLFLS

 **enigma:** they’re probably just letting people on and off. don’t get too worried.

 **clowncore:** yeah tbh

 **clowncore:** hey when you two get off finally do you guys wanna go into the haunted house?

 **mr tetch:** yes!!!

 **mr crane:** sure

 **fiwefwy:** ofc !

 **enigma:** okay.

 **Victor:** Sure, why not.

 **penguin:** if i don’t shit myself up here then yes

 **clowncore:** … great!

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

7:10 pm

 

 **enigma:** i can’t believe victor punched that guy.

 **Victor:** Okay, hear me out.

 **fiwefwy:** i can’t believe victor was the immature one in there

 **Victor:** He came out of nowhere! I wasn’t expecting him to be right in front of my face.

 **penguin:** you almost hit me too!

 **Victor:** Well I wasn’t expecting you to grab the back of my shirt either.

 **mr crane:** it’s ok fries we see you for who you really are now

 **Victor:** And that is…?

 **mr crane:** big dick energy

 **clowncore:** oh big retweet

 **fiwefwy:** retweet!!

 **penguin:** retweet

 **enigma:** retweet.

 **mr tetch:** retweet

 **Victor:** I hate you guys sometimes.

 **penguin:** aw don’t be like that :^(

 **Victor:** Especially you.

 **penguin:** wow,,,,    Wow

 **mr crane:** f

 **clowncore:** f

 **fiwefwy:** f

 **enigma:** i just saw that there are fireworks tonight at 8.

 **enigma:** do you guys want to stay for them?

 **fiwefwy:** YES

 **mr tetch:** i’d love to

 **Victor:** Sounds good.

 **enigma:** great.

 **penguin:** can we get something to eat rn tho?

 **enigma:** sure.

 **enigma:** good way to kill time.

 **clowncore:** i fuck with it

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

7:30 pm

 

 **clowncore:** fuck my life

 **clowncore:** j*r*m**h and bruce wayne are sitting over here together

 **clowncore:** and i’m pretty sure i just saw our parents

 **mr crane:** oh i saw our parents alright

 **mr crane:** because harvey just screamed at tetch and i and started chasing us

 **mr crane:** so imagine me, holding my giant fucking bear and tetch holding our nachos sprinting away from a probably drunk harvey bullock

 **Victor:** I don’t have to imagine it. I saw it happen.

 **mr crane:** i hate you

 **Victor:** Right back at you.

 **Victor:** Oswald, how long does it take to get a cheeseburger?

 **penguin:** listen mr vegetarian. the line is long

 **fiwefwy:** it rlly is ):

 **enigma:** cut the line. i want to get good seats.

 **penguin:** your mind…

 **clowncore:** oh no guys

 **clowncore:** the weeaboo noticed us

 **fiwefwy:** are we evacuating?

 **clowncore:** yes. operation grab your food and run to wherever the fuck the fireworks are taking place is a go

 **mr crane:** tetch please grab my nachos again

 **mr tetch:** anything for you, my dear mr. crane

 **fiwefwy:** :O

 **mr tetch:**??

 **fiwefwy:** nothing!! o_o

* * *

 

**_mad hatter, scarecrow_ **

 

 **mad hatter:** jonathan, can i ask you a question?

 **scarecrow:** what’s up

 **mad hatter:** do you realize that everytime we speak, everyone seems to act… unique?

 **scarecrow:** yeah i do

 **scarecrow:** i’m not too sure why though

 **mad hatter:** hmm…

 **mad hatter:** maybe in time i will find the answer.

* * *

 

**_scarecrow, clowncore_ **

 

 **scarecrow:** idk what the fuck you’re doing

 **scarecrow:** or telling everyone

 **scarecrow:** but now jervis is suspicious of why y’all act like that

 **clowncore:** did he acknowledge all of the flirting you guys do or

 **scarecrow:** no. and fuck off

 **scarecrow:** i’d get with him but he’s so fucking oblivious and i don’t know what to do

 **clowncore:** :oO

 **scarecrow:** don’t

 **clowncore:** :oOOO

 **clowncore:** i think you should at least _try_ to tell him one of these days

 **clowncore:** im sick of you two lovebirds being friends

 **clowncore:** just fuck already!

 **scarecrow:** jesus fucking christ i hate you

* * *

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

9:00 pm

 

 **clowncore:** tonight was really fun thx guys

 **fiwefwy:** retweet! and no problem ^-^

 **mr crane:** it was your plan. so thank you

 **clowncore:** oh, how generous of you baghead

 **mr crane:** sleep with one eye open tonight

 **penguin:** thank you to everyone but that ferris wheel for tonight

 **Victor:** Thank you to everyone but Oswald since he spilled his water all over the front of me. Then touched me with his sticky cotton candy fingers.

 **penguin:** oh shut up i said i was sorry

 **Victor:** It’s okay. I guess.

 **penguin:** stop being so thickheaded!!

 **mr tetch:** i haven’t had that much fun in awhile. thank you for all making me smile <3

 **Victor:** Oh. Jervis and Bridgit. I need to talk to you guys about something.

 **fiwefwy:** are we in trouble D:?!

 **Victor:** No.

 **clowncore:** secrets secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone!

 **Victor:** Knowing you and your big clown mouth you’ll tell everyone.

 **fiwefwy:** burn!

 **clowncore:** that was just cold, fries.

 **Victor:** That’s my specialty.

* * *

 

**_Victor, mad hatter, uwu_ **

 

 **Victor:** Sorry to bring it up there. I just wanted to know you guys were online.

 **uwu:** what’s up??

 **Victor:** You two are… not straight, correct?

 **uwu:** no i love women

 **mad hatter:** no, i’m pansexual. what’s the dilemma?

 **Victor:** I think I might be bi. I’ve been having… feelings. For someone else lately. And as much as I love Nora, I don’t love her as much as I once did.

 **Victor:** And since you two are the only trustworthy people in our friend group… it’s Oswald.

 **uwu:** :O

 **mad hatter:** i… certainly was not expecting that

 **Victor:** Really? I guess I’m doing a good job of covering it up then.

 **uwu:** OMG KMGBDJD

 **uwu:** this is so exciting

 **uwu:** WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!??!?

 **Victor:** Chill.

 **uwu:** no fuck the cold i’m going to burst into a ball of flames

 **Victor:** … Right.

 **Victor:** I’m not sure what I want to do. I think I might end it with Nora soon. I’ll tell him eventually.

 **mad hatter:** don’t wait, you may end up being too late!

 **Victor:** I won’t wait too long.

 **Victor:** Thanks guys.

 **uwu:** np!!!! pls keep us updated !

 **mad hatter:** retweet

 **Victor:** I will.

  
  



	4. pizza assassin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the only new chat name is eggman (zsasz) <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me for fucking ever to publish! i promise i won’t be a lazy ass anymore

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

12:30 pm

 

**penguin:** good afternoon ::;;;:;;.. Take IT zSLow |-/ ;::::. 

**penguin:** omg. heathens** please stop putting weird shortcuts on my phone 

**clowncore:** no

**mr crane:** you have so many more that you don’t even know about

**penguin:** gdi

**penguin:** anyways. i have GREAT news!

**enigma:** yes?

**penguin:** i have a boyfriend!

**penguin:** :^DD

**enigma:** oh really?

**clowncore:** well spill the beans, little man!

**penguin:** his name is victor zsasz

**mr tetch:** H

**Victor:** Congratulations. 

**fiwefwy:** RUH ROH

**solomom:** hey, congrats oswald!

 

**_mr crane_ ** _ removed  _ **_solomom_ ** _ from the group _

 

**mr crane:** who added him back in

**fiwefwy:** idk

**clowncore:** who is this victor zsasz? i never heard of him

**penguin:** he dropped out of gotham u a few years back so that’s probably why

**penguin:** do you guys wanna meet him??

**enigma:** i guess. 

**fiwefwy:** … sure!

* * *

 

**_uwu, Victor, mad hatter_ **

 

**uwu:** you good fries?

**Victor:** Yeah. 

**Victor:** He didn’t know. I never told him. 

**Victor:** I guess Jervis was right on that part. 

**mad hatter:** just you wait, just you wait! it is fate for you two to be mates

**uwu:** … what he said!!

**uwu:** we’ll find a way for you guys to be together >:3c

**Victor:** Oh god. I should probably just do it myself. 

**mad hatter:** whatever floats your boat!

* * *

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

12:35 pm

 

**_penguin_ ** _ added  _ **_eggman_ ** _ to the group _

 

**penguin:** victor, this is… everyone. everyone, this is zsasz!

**eggman:** whats poppin

**mr crane:** what the fuck

**clowncore:** hey

**clowncore:** whys ur name eggman

**eggman:** because im bald. silly

**enigma:** interesting. 

**fiwefwy:** nice to meet you :)

**eggman:** you too :3

**fiwefwy:** omg

**Victor:** Hello. 

**eggman:** whos the name clone

**mr crane:** that’s fries. you’re actually the name clone. he’s an old man so he’s been here before you

**Victor:** Stop calling me old, Jonathan. 

**mr crane:** no it’s funny

**Victor:** Every day is a step closer to freezing you alive. 

**eggman:** damn. yall got beef or sumn?

**mr tetch:** just friendly banter!

**eggman:** oh i see

**enigma:** so, zsasz. 

**enigma:** what do you do for a living?

**eggman:** oh ok so heres the funny part

**eggman:** so normally im delivering pizzas

**eggman:** but, if the big man needs me, then im a hitman

**mr crane:** you’re a What now

**eggman:** hitman

**fiwefwy:** …

**clowncore:** holy shit

**mr tetch:** so  _ you’re  _ the pizza man that came to my door with a pistol in your other hand!

**eggman:** that would be me, yes

**Victor:** Jesus christ. 

**penguin:** :^) 

**clowncore:** hey cobblepot 

**penguin:** hey jerome

**clowncore:** u smoking crack again?

**mr crane:** LMAOKKNGJDKD

**penguin:** it was ONE TIME and it wasn’t even crack

**penguin:** and no!!!!

**enigma:** …

**enigma:** zsasz, before you dropped out of college. 

**enigma:** what did you study?

**eggman:** cryptozoology 

**clowncore:** what made you not want to study it

**eggman:** bigfoot slapped my ass and called me his bitch

**mr crane:** where the fuck am i

**mr tetch:** i hate when that happens.

**Victor:** I can’t tell if this is serious or not. 

**eggman:** the cryptozoology part is right i just didnt like the college life

**Victor:** So you became a pizza delivery guy/hitman.

**eggman:** yep!

**mr crane:** seriously where the fuck am i

**fiwefwy:** i have no words o_o

 

**lovely family!**

1:10 pm

 

**honk:** hey fam

**doc:** Hi Jerome!

**honk:** hi mom :o}

**honk:** jim and harvey i have a question 

**JG:** Yes?

**paul blart:** What’s up, kid?

**honk:** have ny’all ever heard of a victor zsasz

**paul blart:** … Why?

**scarecrow:** does it Really matter why

**paul blart:** It does, bagboy. 

**paul blart:** Now fess up!

**honk:** ok long story short a friend is dating him

**honk:** and he seems a little…… interesting. to say the least

**scarecrow:** he literally told us bigfoot slapped his ass i think you can come up with words to explain him other than interesting 

**doc:** What the heck?!?!

**JG:** Victor Zsasz is a dangerous man

**honk:** is that all you have to say on the matter because i think i couldve just used my own half a braincell to come up with that one

**paul blart:** In short, we’ve had some encounters with him. Fucker never plays by the god damn rules

**paul blart:** Just keep in mind that he’s dangerous, would ya?

**scarecrow:** sure

  
  


**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

1:35 pm

 

**eggman:** hey guys

**enigma:** hello, heathen. 

**eggman:** ok rude!

**eggman:** you really finna start beef with me

**clowncore:** i think ed was just being sarcastic 

**eggman:** oh.   well ok then

**eggman:** um anyways! i have una pregunta for you all

**fiwefwy:** yes????

**eggman:** is oswald into kinky shit

**clowncore:** isthisallowed.mov

**mr crane:** thanks to that comment tetch just spit tea all over me. so someone’s gonna die today

**mr crane:** and it’s looking like it’s going to be zsasz

**eggman:** why not jervis

**Victor:** Because Jonathan is too whipped. 

**mr tetch:** too what?

**Victor:** … 

**mr crane:** care to explain, fries?

**Victor:** No. I think you should. 

**fiwefwy:** o_o

**mr crane:** i think i’ll pass

**clowncore:** pussy

**mr crane:** you literally couldn’t even be in a candle store with nygma when we went to the mall 

**enigma:** what?

**penguin:** what the hell did i miss

**eggman:** are you into kinky shit

**Victor:** Jesus fucking christ. 

**fiwefwy:** :O

**mr crane:** holy shit

**clowncore:** VIXTOR 

**mr tetch:** my my…

**eggman:** wtf 

**fiwefwy:** you made victor curse

**eggman:** and?

**fiwefwy:** he never does that!!!!!!

**clowncore:** fries ur getting a timeout

**Victor:** I’m older than you. 

**clowncore:** do you want me to get my father

**eggman:** who the hell is your father

**fiwefwy:** oh god

 

**_clowncore_ ** _ added  _ **_JG_ ** _ to the group _

 

**JG:** GCPD EVVERYKEN GRT DOEN!!!!!!

**penguin:** not this shit again

**eggman:** HOOOLUYKFL OSWALD BABY WHY DIDNT YOH TELL ME 

**penguin:** ???

**eggman:** TGAJRS SOMEONES FATHER????

**penguin:** no not really

**clowncore:** jimbo

**JG:** Jerome

**clowncore:** if you could. please put fries in a timeout 

**Victor:** No.

**JG:** Timeout 4 20 min. 

**fiwefwy:** 420

**mr crane:** nice. 

**mr tetch:** nice. 

**enigma:** nice. 

**eggman:** nice. 

**clowncore:** nice. 

**penguin:** nice. 

**Victor:** I know I say it a lot, but I hate you all. 

**JG:** 30 min 

**Victor:** Fine. 

**clowncore:** thanks dad

 

**_clowncore_ ** _ removed  _ **_JG_ ** _ from the group _

 

**clowncore:** oh wait i need him and my other parents for something else

**mr crane:** OUR* other parents

**clowncore:** shut the fuck up glad

**eggman:** there’s more than one?!!?

**Victor:** Normally there is a mother and a father, yes.

**fiwefwy:** gotteeeeem

 

**_clowncore_ ** _ added  _ **_doc, paul blart,_ ** _ and  _ **_JG_ ** _ to the group _

 

**JG:** GCPDGWT DOWN

**paul blart:** GCPD!!!!!!!!!!!!1!

**penguin:** i am so sick of this

**clowncore:** hello family 

**doc:** What’s up Jerome and co?

**mr crane:** hey mom

**doc:** Hi Jon!

**clowncore:** ok so

**clowncore:** i have gathered you all here today to cordially invite you to my halloween bash

**mr tetch:** count me in!

**mr crane:** oh fuck no

**doc:** Jonathan!

**mr crane:** sorry

**fiwefwy:** yes!!!! i cant wait

**Victor:** I guess. 

**JG:** K

**paul blart:** Sure thing, kid. 

**penguin:** mark zsasz and i down as yes :^)

**mr crane:** i’ll pass

**clowncore:** jon i will kidnap you 

**eggman:** whatdya got against halloween, crane?

**mr crane:** it’s fucking stupid first of all

**doc:** Jonathan!!!!!

**mr crane:** i’m SORRY mom this has me tight

**mr tetch:** oh, won’t you come and have some fun?

**mr crane:** … fine. 

**fiwefwy:** yay!!!!!! :D

**clowncore:** you wont regret it :o}

**mr crane:** oh, i’m sure i will. 

  
  



	5. fun times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhh jerome gets dunked on bridgit gets a girlfriend and signs say the stars will align for hattercrow on valentine’s day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear i didn’t die i’ve just been depressed. but i am back.... hopefully for good. sorry this took fucking FOREVER to update i swear i won’t neglect my stupid fic again

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

12:00 pm

 

**clowncore:** happy halloween everyone

**clowncore:** hope ur all very excited for my party tonight 

**mr crane:** jerome

**clowncore:** yes my dear baghead?

**mr crane:** first of all. choke

**mr crane:** second. it’s february 

**fiwefwy:** i was wondering when someone would tell him…

**solomom:** haha!!!! that was a good prank guys

**eggman:** howd he get here

 

**_mr crane_ ** _ has removed  _ **_solomom_ ** _ from the group  _

 

**Victor:** Jonathan. 

 

**_mr crane_ ** _ has banned  _ **_solomom_ ** _ from the group _

 

**mr tetch:** mr crane!

**mr crane:** yes

**mr tetch:** don’t you think that was a bit harsh?

**mr crane:** does anyone even want him here

**clowncore:** no

**enigma:** not particularly. 

**fiwefwy:** nope :T

**eggman:** hes weird

**Victor:** …

**mr crane:** answer honestly, human popsicle 

**Victor:** Well. No, not really. 

**penguin:** have some sympathy!!!!

**clowncore:** says the one whos threatened to kill my boyfriend more than once

**fiwefwy:** burn!

**penguin:** .

**penguin:** HEHS THREATENDM ME TOO…,,

**enigma:** anyways. 

**clowncore:** anyways is right

**clowncore:** oh i know!

**fiwefwy:** ??

**clowncore:** valentines day is coming up >:o}

**mr crane:** oh hell no

**Victor:** Don’t say what I think you’re going to. 

**clowncore:** im gonna blow yalls minds with this one

**mr crane:** i’m sure you won’t 

**clowncore:** k glad

**clowncore:** get this:

**clowncore:** VALENTINES

**clowncore:** DAY

**clowncore:** PARTY

**Victor:** No. 

**penguin:** YES!!!!!!!!!!

**mr tetch:** hmm. i don’t know about this one, jerome. 

**penguin:** _ YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

**mr crane:** will you shut up

**eggman:** you wanna catch these fucken hands you stupid twink

**fiwefwy:** burn

**fiwefwy:** also i’m down! can i bring my girlfriend :3

**Victor:** Your what?

**fiwefwy:** my girlfriend…

**mr crane:** i’m not a twink you bald headed bastard

**eggman:** oh its on 

**eggman:** meet me behind the thot department at 6

**enigma:** the what?

**eggman:** you heard me you skinny piece of zucchini pasta 

**Victor:** Does no one else see that Bridgit has a girlfriend and didn’t tell us?

**mr tetch:** oh splendid bridgit!

**enigma:** at least i don’t look like the egg from instagram. 

**eggman:** i take that as a compliment!

**Victor:** Guys. 

**mr crane:** why don’t you come meet me at the thot department right now stupid ass

**mr tetch:** jonathan! stop fighting for a second

**mr crane:** fine. what

**mr crane:** BRIDGIT

**fiwefwy:** owo

**clowncore:** WTF PIKE

**clowncore:** WHEN

**fiwefwy:** a couple days ago!

**penguin:** and you didn’t think to tell us?!?!!?!??

**penguin:** quite frankly i am hurt!!!!

**fiwefwy:** cry about it birdbrain 

**clowncore:** aAAHDJDLELFKFK

**eggman:** so pyro. when we gonna meet her

**fiwefwy:** right now! if you’d like ᵔᴥᵔ 

**clowncore:** i think the vote is unanimously a Yes

**Victor:** I would say so. 

 

**_fiwefwy_ ** _ added  _ **_selinya_ ** _ to the group _

 

**selinya:** sup bitches. 

**clowncore:** oh god theyre perfect for each other

**clowncore:** wait 

**clowncore:** selinya as in selina kyle as in billionaire brat’s best friend?

**selinya:** that’s my name don’t wear it out!

**Victor:** Nice to meet you. 

**selinya:** i’ve heard a lot about you idiots. happy to be here :3

**mr crane:** awww bridgit talks about us

**fiwefwy:** i wouldn’t if i had other friends

**penguin:** excuse me!!!!!! rude!!!!!!!!!!

**eggman:** yeah damn bridgit wtf

**fiwefwy:** i’m KIDDING i love u guys uwu

**enigma:** and we love you as well. 

**selinya:** cute. 

**clowncore:** well anyways now that the gangs all here

**clowncore:** i cordially invite you guys and gals to my valentines day bash

**mr tetch:** i’m still not too sure about this jerome! 

**clowncore:** oh dont get your boxers in a bunch tetch

**clowncore:** theres only. what. three of you still single? we can set up a special speed dating section for you losers

**mr crane:** wow. thanks. 

**clowncore:** you know im always thinking of the less fortunate <3

 

**OPERATION HATTERCROW**

2:00 pm

 

**clowncore:** nyall know what we gotta do right

**fiwefwy:** hell yes!!!!

**enigma:** what’s the plan?

**clowncore:** well actually im not too sure about that one just yet

**clowncore:** BUT…… we will think of something

**clowncore:** hattercrow will rise this valentines day

**penguin:** rise.gif

 

**THE ONLY GOOD VILLAINS**

2:05 pm

 

**clowncore:** so

**clowncore:** is everybody in

**penguin:** count me and zsasz in!

**selinya:** yup

**fiwefwy:** yes owo

**Victor:** I guess. 

**mr tetch:** …

**enigma:** yes. 

**mr crane:** this sounds stupid but i have nowhere else to be. so sure. 

**mr tetch:** i’ll be there!

**fiwefwy:** hmm…

**clowncore:** interesting!

**clowncore:** see u all there ;o}

 


End file.
